Tech employee skips unpaid ‘mandatory’ team retreat, manager suggests they've lost their chance for a promotion as a result: ‘He said my attitude is the issue’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 19, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

What's the best thing about work culture in this decade? It has to be that most employees aren't willing to go above and beyond for a company that underpays, underappreciates, and overworks them. If managers expect their subordinates to attend "mandatory" staff meetings, trips, and retreats, they had better understand that comes with a price; typically, time and a half!

A large portion of the older generations reinforces a toxic work culture, and because of this, they expect others to do the same. What work-first, life-second people don't understand is that not everyone expects to spend every waking moment catering to the needs of clients, managers, and C-suite executives. It's bad enough that five of the seven days we have in a week are spent hunched over at a desk, watching the clock like a hawk. Once we're expected to sacrifice our weekends for the possibility of a small promotion and maybe more respect, that's when we know work culture has gone too far. The employee in the story below refuses to take part in this toxic game and makes that known to their manager. Safe to say, their manager was not thrilled about the employee's pushback. 

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  • 01
    a group of employees sitting around a bonfire on their outdoor weekend retreat
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Underpaid employees evade the risk of losing out on a great position where they make a decent wage and have superiors who respect them. They, quite frankly, have very little to lose. As an employee, once you're exposed to the lowest of the low management, you start taking risks. This employee is no exception.

  • 02

    "AITA for skipping a ‘mandatory’ weekend retreat that wasn’t paid or reimbursed and now getting iced out of a promo"

    27M, salary 58k at a small tech shop. Two weeks ago manager announced a team retreat, Fri
    via marco_helsinki
  • 03
    night to Sun, 2 hrs away. Email said travel on our own, shared rooms, meals "light," and none of
    via marco_helsinki
  • 04
    it counts as work hrs. I asked if we could move to Mon Tue or comp the time. HR replied with
    via marco_helsinki
  • 05
    a smiley and "we invest in culture. " Gas would be ~32, hotel split about 110,
    via marco_helsinki
  • 06
    and I had already promised my sister I'd watch her kid Sat morning. I said I'd
    via marco_helsinki
  • 07
    come for the Fri workshops and remote the rest. Came back Mon and
    via marco_helsinki
  • 08
    everyone was buzzing about trust falls and a bonfire that smelled like lighter fluid.
    via marco_helsinki
  • 09
    Manager pulled me aside, said I "missed a chance to show leadership," now the promo cycle is
    via marco_helsinki
  • 10
    focusing on folks who "showed up." I ship my tickets, clients like me, but I
    via marco_helsinki
  • 11
    dont want unpaid wknds with a random roomate and cold pizza. I pushed
    via marco_helsinki
  • 12
    back, he said my attitude is the issue. Maybe it is, maybe the policy is. AITA
    via marco_helsinki
  • 13
    for skipping and still asking why this affects my promo
    via marco_helsinki
  • 14
    manager in a suit sitting at desk and looking over employees due for a promotion
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    mtngrl60 Here's the thing, if you can prove that you're getting skipped over for a promo because you skipped this event, you might actually have a legal case.
    via mtngrl60
  • 16
    Because if attendance at this event was mandatory in order to be considered for a promo at work, but they didn't wanna pay you for it... In fact, they wanted you to pay for it... That's illegal. Mandatory things for work require mandatory pay.
    via mtngrl60
  • 17
    I really hope you're looking for a new job
    via mtngrl60
  • 18
    _KittyCherry NTA. If it's unpaid and ofc the clock, it's not mandatory. They're punishing you for having boundaries, not for missing "team bonding."
    via _KittyCherry
  • 19
    TheS4ndm4n Worse. Looks like OP was expected to pay for his commute and hotelroom... I've done unpaid team outings. But they were in 4 star hotels and all expenses paid. Fun activities were own time. Meetings, presentations and commutes were paid.
    via TheS4ndm4n
  • 20
    Random_Emolga The irony of "we invest in culture".
    via Random_Emolga
  • 21
    Automatater We invest [your money] in culture.
    via Automatater
  • 22
    Playful_Reason_Carol NTA. It's unpaid overtime disguised as team bonding. You set a boundary and thats not attitude, its self-respect
    via Playful_Reason_Carol

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workplace discussion boss antiwork workplace-stories work stories toxic-workplace manager Professional At Work work coworkers working reddit story workplace Horrible Bosses reddit thread Reddit toxic-work-environment in the workplace
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